Am I helping or enabling?
If the line is you’re trying to draw between “helping” and “enabling” is blurry, this will help.
“THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HELPING AND ENABLING IS THIS [👇🏼] [👇🏼] [👇🏼] :
It’s our instinct to take care of and support those we love when they're down and out. When a family member is sick, it’s natural to want to help them feel better. However, when we take care of someone struggling with addiction, help can have the reverse effect of what's intended, resulting in enabling.
People who enable act as a cushion, preventing their loved ones from facing the consequences of their actions.
[💥] Someone who enables helps the addicted person continue their addiction by taking responsibility for their problems. The enabler – this can be a friend, spouse, parent, grandparent, or child – over-functions in their role by doing what their loved one can and should be doing for themselves. The enabler starts with good intentions and wants to help, but in later stages of addiction, enabling becomes an act of desperation and family dynamics become a tangled ball of blame, accusations, justifications, rationalizations, and hurt.
If you see yourself on this list, it's time to make changes. It’s easier to set boundaries when you understand that enabling is aiding in the demise of the person you love. There is much you can do to improve your loved one’s chance of a successful recovery. But the first step isn't what you think.
Rather than focusing on your addicted loved one, start with yourself. A support group will teach you the difference between letting go and holding on. One is an act of love; the other is an act of poor boundaries.
The best way to help your loved one is to focus on you. Change what you can - YOU. Lead by example. Be a healthy role model and do whatever it takes – meetings, getting a sponsor, counseling, and learning how to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.
Statistics show addicted individuals whose families are educated and in recovery have the highest chance of success and with support, you’ll never have to make another uneducated decision again.”
Jagged Little Edges